Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
