When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
