I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
