dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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