i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
