If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
farters have to be the big spoon...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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