No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
