you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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