and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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