just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
