it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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