Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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