i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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