I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Small penises have feelings too.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
