i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
