I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
