Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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