My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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