Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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