Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it was like eating out sand paper
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize