Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
