Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
