he shaved USA in his pubs
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
