I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
