You're so nebulous sometimes
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
