the condom got lost in my hair
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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