he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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