Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
