Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize