So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
