your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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