I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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