I think my fart just growled at me.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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