my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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