im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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