well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
