that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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