How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
