NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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