Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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