she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
