if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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