OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she pinky promised me she was 18
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
