haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
