Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
