yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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