So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Hippo gnu deer
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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