I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
