It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
