alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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