Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize