She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize