so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
