i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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