Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
