i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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