Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
