I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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