dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize