theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
