And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
