Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just gargled with NyQuil
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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