What did we do last night that was yellow?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
