mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I have post one night stand depression
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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